GirlPower: Self‑Esteem, Assertiveness & Saying No
GirlsHealth.gov – Healthy Relationships
People‑pleasing, standing up for yourself, confidence in your voice — without guilt, fear, or apology.
TeenThreads mission: Help teen girls build self‑esteem, speak up confidently, and protect their boundaries with clarity and courage.
Important: This guide is educational and does not replace counseling or mental health care. If you feel unsafe, pressured, or overwhelmed, reach out to a trusted adult or professional.
Core truth: Your voice matters. Your boundaries matter. You never owe anyone your silence or your compliance.
Quick Jump
- 1) Understanding Self‑Esteem
- 2) What Assertiveness Really Means
- 3) Saying No Without Guilt
- 4) People‑Pleasing: Why It Happens
- 5) Confidence in Your Voice
- 6) Setting Boundaries That Stick
- 7) Assertiveness in Friendships
- 8) Assertiveness in Dating & Crushes
- 9) Mental Health & Self‑Worth
- 10) When to Ask for Help
- Trusted Resources (Active Links)
- 20‑Question Quiz + Answers
TeenThreads Reality Check: Being kind is beautiful. Being a doormat is not. You deserve respect — from others and from yourself.
1) Understanding Self‑Esteem
Self‑esteem is how you see yourself — your worth, your abilities, your identity. It grows through experiences, relationships, and the way you talk to yourself.
- Healthy self‑esteem: “I deserve respect. I can learn. I matter.”
- Low self‑esteem: “I’m not enough. I shouldn’t speak up. I’ll mess up.”
- Self‑esteem grows: through practice, boundaries, and self‑respect — not perfection.
2) What Assertiveness Really Means
Assertiveness is not aggression. It’s not being rude. It’s not being “too much.” It’s simply expressing your needs, feelings, and boundaries clearly and respectfully.
- Assertive: “I’m not comfortable with that.”
- Passive: “It’s fine… I guess…” (when it’s not)
- Aggressive: “Back off! What’s wrong with you?”
- Passive‑aggressive: “Whatever. Do what you want.”
3) Saying No Without Guilt
You are allowed to say no — without explaining, apologizing, or feeling guilty.
- “No, thank you.”
- “I’m not comfortable with that.”
- “That doesn’t work for me.”
- “I’m choosing not to.”
- “I need space.”
A real friend or partner will respect your no the first time.
4) People‑Pleasing: Why It Happens
People‑pleasing is when you put others’ comfort above your own needs, safety, or happiness.
- Fear of disappointing others.
- Fear of conflict.
- Wanting to be liked.
- Feeling responsible for others’ emotions.
Truth: You can be kind without sacrificing yourself.
5) Confidence in Your Voice
Your voice is powerful — even when it shakes.
- Speak slowly and clearly.
- Use “I” statements: “I feel…”, “I need…”, “I want…”
- Practice in low‑pressure situations.
- Stand or sit tall — posture boosts confidence.
- Remember: silence is not politeness if it hurts you.
6) Setting Boundaries That Stick
Boundaries protect your time, energy, emotions, and safety.
- Time boundaries: “I can’t hang out tonight.”
- Emotional boundaries: “I’m not discussing that.”
- Physical boundaries: “I don’t want to be touched.”
- Digital boundaries: “I don’t share passwords.”
7) Assertiveness in Friendships
Healthy friendships respect your boundaries, your time, and your feelings.
- Real friends don’t guilt‑trip you.
- Real friends don’t punish you for saying no.
- Real friends don’t demand access to your phone or secrets.
- Real friends celebrate your growth — not resent it.
8) Assertiveness in Dating & Crushes
You deserve relationships where your voice is heard and your boundaries are honored.
- You never owe affection, attention, or explanations.
- “No” is a complete sentence.
- Pressure is not love.
- Respect is the bare minimum.
9) Mental Health & Self‑Worth
Your mental health affects your confidence, your boundaries, and your ability to speak up.
- Practice self‑compassion.
- Challenge negative self‑talk.
- Surround yourself with supportive people.
- Seek help when things feel heavy.
10) When to Ask for Help
You deserve support — not silence.
- When someone repeatedly ignores your boundaries.
- When you feel pressured, scared, or unsafe.
- When you feel guilty for saying no.
- When your self‑esteem feels low most days.
Trusted Resources
- Self‑Esteem & Confidence
GirlsHealth.gov – Confidence
WomensHealth.gov – Mental Health & Self‑Worth
- Assertiveness & Communication
American Psychological Association – Communication Skills
GirlsHealth.gov – Respect & Boundaries
LoveIsRespect – Healthy Relationships - Boundaries & Safety
StopBullying.gov – Boundaries & Safety
CDC – Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships - Mental Health & Support
NIMH – Teen Mental Health
Mental Health America – Youth Resources
Youth.gov – U.S. Government Youth Programs - Support & Counseling
American School Counselor Association
Child Mind Institute – Emotional Skills for Teens
Quiz Question
Use this quiz to reflect on what you’ve learned. Confidence grows through practice, not perfection.
- True or False: Assertiveness is the same as being aggressive.
- Which of the following is an example of a healthy boundary?
a) “I don’t want to share my password.”
b) “I’ll do whatever you want.”
c) “I guess I have to say yes.”
d) “I don’t care what happens.” - What is people‑pleasing?
- True or False: Saying “no” makes you rude.
- Name one reason people struggle to say no.
- Which statement is assertive?
a) “Whatever, do what you want.”
b) “I’m not comfortable with that.”
c) “Why are you so annoying?”
d) Silence - What is one sign of low self‑esteem?
- True or False: You must explain your boundaries for them to be valid.
- What does an “I‑statement” sound like?
- Which of the following is a healthy friendship behavior?
a) Guilt‑tripping
b) Respecting your boundaries
c) Demanding your time
d) Punishing you for saying no - True or False: Your voice matters even if it shakes.
- Name one way to build confidence in your voice.
- What is a physical boundary?
- True or False: Pressure is a normal part of healthy relationships.
- What is one sign you should ask for help?
- Which of the following is NOT assertive communication?
a) Clear
b) Honest
c) Respectful
d) Manipulative - What is one reason people become people‑pleasers?
- True or False: You can be kind without saying yes to everything.
- What is one example of a digital boundary?
- Finish the sentence: “My boundaries matter because ______.”
Answer Key
- False — assertiveness is respectful clarity, not aggression.
- a) “I don’t want to share my password.”
- Putting others’ comfort above your own needs, safety, or feelings.
- False — saying no is healthy and necessary.
- Examples: fear of conflict, wanting to be liked, guilt, pressure.
- b) “I’m not comfortable with that.”
- Examples: harsh self‑talk, avoiding speaking up, feeling “not enough.”
- False — boundaries don’t require explanations.
- “I feel…”, “I need…”, “I want…”
- b) Respecting your boundaries.
- True — courage doesn’t require perfection.
- Examples: practicing aloud, using I‑statements, improving posture.
- A limit on physical contact or personal space.
- False — pressure is a red flag.
- Examples: feeling unsafe, constant guilt, ignored boundaries.
- d) Manipulative.
- Examples: fear of disappointing others, wanting approval.
- True — kindness does not require self‑sacrifice.
- Examples: “I don’t share passwords,” “Don’t post that photo of me.”
- “…they protect my safety, comfort, and self‑respect.”
By TeenThreads Content Team